A Little Series
by 001ElvenWarrior
Summary: A series of short and humorous events each chapter is its own separate tale! No one shall be spared the cruel irony! Chapt 9 now Up!
1. A Little Quibble

**Disclaimer:** I do not own SGA – and if I did…well I don't, so there's no point in fantasizing about it, is there?

**A/N**: Hope ya like, and I know its short…but hey, great things come in small packages. Right?

**A Little Quibble**

"I did warn you..."

"Yes, well, speaking in Czech is hardly considered fair warning."

"Well, I tried. And you could have paid more attention to what you were doing, Rodney."

"Yeah, who in Canada is going to speak Czech?"

"You might have had better luck with French."

"Oh yes, very funny, major, let's all mock the Canadian just because I chose to focus on Astrophysics rather than learning a foreign language. We can't all be linguists you know."

"Just like we can't all be self-centered egomaniac astrophysicists."

"You're just jealous."

"Oh yeah, I'm jealous that I wasn't zapped by some electrical doohickey."

"Have I done anything to make you mad recently?"

"Make me mad? Recently? No. Why?"

"Good."

"Why?"

"No reason."

"Rodney…"

* * *

**A/N**: Just a little something that happened upon me while brushing my teeth. It's our three most favorite people in Atlantis! I'm debating whether I should add more to this or add new quibbles as they come to me so for now I'm posting it as complete, though that is subject to change in the near future. :D I look forward to your Reviews and Comments! 


	2. A Little Incident

**Disclaimer:** I don't own SGA...and if I did...well, there's no point in fantasizing about it, is there?

**A/N:** Another little something I thought up while watching t.v. So read and enjoy! I'm really disappointed at the lack of Reviews - does it take that much effort to just say you like it? Anyway, since I've had 64+ hits, (and only one review from a friend) I'm going to post this next one up. Please leave a review...

**A Little Incident**

"Aye, what'd ya do to yourself this time, colonel?"

"Oh, not much..."

"Bloody hell, it looks like you've been hit by a Mac Truck!"

"Well, the pain's not too bad, it's 'bearable'. I admit I didn't see it 'bearing' down on me until the last second…"

"Cut the crap colonel, and tell me what happened. Or better yet, what hit you."

"Well, like I just said, I didn't see it 'bearing' down on me until the last second..."

"Colonel, if you don't tell me now, I'll…"

"…although you would think a big black object with fangs and claws would catch some attention. You okay, Doc?"

"A bear did this!"

"Well, sort of…"

"Colonel!"

"If you multiply that by three, then yes."

"Three bears attacked you!"

"Well technically it was a mother and two cubs…"

"You're lucky to be alive, though it looks like you're going to be one big bruise by the end of today."

"I feel like one."

"And what, precisely, is so bloody funny, Teyla, Ronon?"

"Your expression."

"It's almost like the colonel's when he saw those bears headed for him."

* * *

**A/N:** If you haven't caught the drift yet, I'm simply writing dialogue (no duh) and leaving it to You, the reader, to use your own imagination to come up with the expressions, etc. Also, these are short, and are going to be short, since humor often comes in small quantities (at least for me). So I hope you enjoyed it. Please leave a Review and let me know if there's anything in particular you want to see. I aim to please my readers... 

I do accept anonymous reviews - so please, don't hesitate to drop a one-liner by me. Constructive criticism, ideas, all are appreciated!


	3. A Little Invention

**A/N:** Once more, another little something my mind came up with while typing a message off to a friend. Let's just say, my imagination ran off with this, and leave it at that. Also, a review would be nice…just one? Please?

**A Little Invention**

"What's going on? Did something fall?"

"Uh, nothing Lt. Col. Sheppard, Rodney's just…"

"Rodney's what...and what the hell is breaking back there?"

"Sir, you can't - er, shouldn't - go back there."

"If Rodney's getting into trouble again, I swear I'll…"

"Oh, uh, hiya Shep, um, just between the two of us, don't go back there."

"Rodney, what the hell are you breaking back there? And if you're not breaking it, then who or what is?"

"…"

"Rodney…"

"Okay, okay, look, just don't, you know, tell anyone."

"…That would depend on what it was…"

"It was originally for scientific study, I swear!"

"Rodney…is that…what I think it is?"

"If you mean a bean synthesizing machine which extrapolates the purest form of said bean into crystal clear water, then no. I swear it's not a coffee machine."

"Well, then you've got ten seconds to explain what this 'bean synthesizing machine' is."

"I just told you…it's not a bean synthesizing machine."

"8 seconds left…"

"Okay okay…"

"7 seconds…"

"It is a…"

"6…"

"An…uh…"

"5…you better hurry Rodney, or it's headed for the crystal blue waters that surround Atlantis."

"You can't possibly be serious?"

"4…"

"That's polluting the environment, and we're in another galaxy!"

"3…"

"Okay, okay, it was _supposed_ to be an EM field pulsator."

"2…wait; explain to me why you chose to pilfer one of our few coffee machines?"

"Well, I have since decided that using the proper components that make up water and combining that with electricity, in the form of heat, one can create a field of…sorts. I was hoping by adding a few other components, it would make a nice EM field."

"…So why a coffee machine?"

"Duh, because it uses water and electricity - and it filters the water through the paper. By changing the paper substance I can collect all matter of different things. The, uh, the only problem is…was…"

"What, Rodney?"

"We have to wait for the next storm to hit Atlantis before I can see if this puppy works."

"What?"

"Did you just refer to the pile of junk, as a puppy?"

"Yes, so what? Hey! That's no pile of junk; it's a delicate EM field pulsator-"

"-That would look really nice at the bottom of the ocean."

"You can't be serious…"

"Rodney, have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?"

"…"

"Good, then hand over the 'EM field pulsator' like a good little scientist."

"No! You're going to drop it from the highest balcony in Atlantis and watch as it hits the water, smattering into a billion pieces permanently damaged by the rate of acceleration due to gravity."

"I can't believe you'd think I'd do something like that, Rodney!"

"Well you said it, Sheppard, not me."

"I wouldn't damage this 'bean synthesizing machine' if there were a billion more in the galaxy. Besides, I was curious to see if it would still make coffee. Would you like a cup?"

"…uh, sure."

"Well, what do you know; it _does_ still work after all!"

"Hey, you're right! You're hair's standing straight up - the EM field _does_ work!"

"…"

"Oh, right, your hair sticks up anyway. Sorry."

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, so another little addition to my Little Series. Did you like it? I accept anonymous reviews, for those who don't want to log in. Kind of funny: yes or no? Sheesh, y'all are a tough group. : wonders what it takes to get a review: -.0 For those of you who want to know who's speaking, the second and fourth line of dialogue is a random scientist, the first, third, and every other one is Sheppard, and the other other one is Rodney...got it? Great! 


	4. A Little Rearrangement

**Disclaimer:** I don't own SGA – they already get themselves into enough trouble without my help!

**A/N:** Just something I came up with – actually it took me a day to think of it, and thanks to Seagulman for the suggestion of doing a John/Weir. I added a couple other characters. Hope ya like! And don't forget to leave a review!

A Little Rearrangement

"Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, what the HELL did you do to my office?"

"…"

"John!"

"What! Don't you like the new look?"

"Like it! John, there's no method to this madness!"

"Rodney liked it."

"Rodney was in on this too!"

"Well, not really, but I did the same to his lab…"

"You get a little free time and this is what you do? Decide to rearrange the whole of Atlantis!"

"Well, I didn't quite finish Carson's office when you called me in here…"

"You didn't!"

"What? I thought we needed to freshen up the place. Besides, there was too much work on your desk. Now you can prop your feet up on it."

"John! That work was important, reports that needed to be reviewed and somewhere in there is your mission's report."

"…"

"You _did_ turn in your mission report, didn't you?"

"I'm in the _process_ of turning it in."

"Meaning you still have to type it up…"

"Meaning I'm in the _process_ of turning it in."

"So rather than spend time typing it up, you decided to rearrange my desk along with Rodney's and Carson's?"

"…um, kind of."

"And what's that supposed to mean!"

"I was just trying to help…"

"John, if you want to help, get your mission reports typed up and turned in _promptly_. If you have free time afterwards, go help the scientists activate some technology. Just don't take it upon yourself to straighten my office."

"I can rearrange it back to the way it was before, if you like."

"NO! I mean, no, thanks, but no. I have my own system and it works for me."

"Bloody hell, Elizabeth, it looks like a tornado just hit my office!"

"Don't look at me…John?"

"Colonel Sheppard! You're the one who rearranged my office? Bloody hell, I thought I'd lost everything on my desk!"

"No, your desk was too cluttered, so I took the liberty of cleaning it up a little."

"Cleaning up…a little! Aye, ya certainly did your fair share of the work. It's gonna take me ages to get everything back in place. You didn't happen to throw anything out, did you?"

"No…"

"I see pain in your future…Colonel."

"I didn't throw anything out, Carson, I swear."

"You had better not…"

"Elizabeth, John, Carson, I didn't expect to find all three of you here. Do either of you happen to know who rearranged my desk…? Why are you all looking at John…?"

"Heh, hey Rodney…"

"I had important data on my desk! Reports that Radek had given me, as well as information on various Ancient devices."

"Okay, okay, so no one likes being able to see the tops of their desks…give me a break already, will you?"

"John, why don't you go type up your mission report, I want it on my desk in the next half hour, and that's an order. Once you've finished, you're confined to your quarters for the remainder of the day."

"But…"

"No 'buts' John, if this is how you treat your free time, then you can kiss it goodbye."

* * *

**A/N:** I think it's safe to say John won't be rearranging any more desks or paperwork for a long while. So, what'd you all think? Funny? Lame? Please leave a Review…you're comments don't go unnoticed. It gives me Inspiration! The characters involved are (in order of script) Elizabeth Weir, John Sheppard, Carson Beckett, and Rodney McKay. 


	5. A Little Insanity

**Disclaimer:** I don't own SGA – they get themselves into enough trouble without my help.

**A/N:** Okay, I apologize in advance for this – it's not one of my better moments – and definitely not my best side. But considering the time is 9:33 pm and I'm hyped up on watermelon, and fit to be tied (in a straightjacket) I just couldn't help but let my insanity get the better of me. It's all clean, so no worries. Enjoy the mental picture of this one!

A Little Insanity

"Hey look, it's a walrus!"

"No way, that looks more like something my cat hacked up."

"Well, fine, why don't you make something."

"Okay, I will. See, a dolphin."

"Pfft, you call _that_ a dolphin? Looks more like a bloated fish."

"Oh, and you're the marine biologist expert, I take it?"

"No, but there's no way _that_ could ever be called a dolphin."

"Well same to your walrus."

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with Bob."

"…"

"What?"

"You named you're hairball, Bob?"

"Yeah, so what?"

"Well Steve and I think your nuts."

"Steve? You named your bloated fish Steve?"

"What, like Bob is any better?"

"It is…much better. Steve, pfft, who'd call something Steve?"

"I believe you would, Colonel Lets-name-a-wraith-to-humiliate-it. You named wraith Bob and Steve."

"Well, so? They're wraith."

"Yeah, and is your walrus part wraith?"

"Hey, let's not get discriminatory here. Just because Bob is a minority doesn't mean…"

"Colonel Sheppard? Rodney McKay? What are you two doing…and why is there play-doh?"

"…" (Both Rodney and John)

"Oh, a hairball and a bloated fish – I love those. Hand me some play-doh, would you?"

* * *

**A/N: **okay, so I may have gone a little overboard (arr arr, get it, overboard – overboard a ship – water…nevermind) anyway, I had fun…maybe too much. Please leave a Review – I need ideas between characters – two to three characters would be good for starters. Unless you want to see more of this!Mwahahaha! But seriously, I would like to get some more ideas…they help me keep focused for my other story: Nightmares. ((The people in this scene were: John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, and none other than Elizabeth Weir…yes, they DO like play-doh…sigh, I wish I had some right now…)) Well thanks for putting up with my insanity on this one – I can't promise the next one will be any better if I have to come up with more ideas on my own... 


	6. Annoying Astrophysicists

Annoying Astrophysicists

"…"

"…"

"…"

"What?"

"What?"

"I asked what first."

"So?"

"So? So why are you staring at me like that?"

"Am I staring?"

"Like I've got a third eye in the middle of my head, or something; yes you're staring!"

"And?"

"And so, what are you staring at me for!"

"I'm not."

"What do you mean, 'you're not'?"

"I mean, I'm not staring at you."

"Oh? Then what has captured your fancy so acutely?"

"Nothing."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Nope."

"You're staring at absolutely nothing, for the purpose of…?"

"No purpose…just wanted to get you annoyed."

"Well you've succeeded (wipe that smirk off your face), so if you don't mind, I'm trying to put this back together."

"What was it?"

"This? No idea, but I'd thought I'd try anyway."

"Oh."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"Well if you don't know what it is, how are you going to fix it?"

"I didn't say I would 'fix it,' I said I was going to put it back together again."

"Well, how are you going to do that?"

"Do what?"

"Put it back together."

"Did I not just say I was trying to do that?"

"You're as bad as Kavanaugh, you know that?"

"Why thank you ever so much. You're not that much different from Kolya yourself. Oh, and before you shoot me, try not to do this ever again."

"What?'

"Exactly."

"No, I mean what."

"What's what?"

"…"

"…"

"You're hopeless."

"Good. And don't even think about coming back to bother me by staring at me…oh look, I put it together again…"

**A/N:** Just thought I'd get myself warmed up with a little something I thought up…sorry for my lengthy delay, its just that school has kicked in with all four feet and has left me in the dust…h/w is a pain in the you-know-where. Just for those who wanna know…just a short banter between Sheppard and McKay…still love the fact his name is Merideth…Oh, think I found another funny blip for another one of these things. Don't feel bad if you can't leave a review – chances are I'm too busy to really check my e-mail much, anyway. So, sorry. Hope you enjoyed it.


	7. Annoying Astrophysicists 2

Annoying Astrophysicist 2

"Hey, Meredith."

"Yes? Oh god."

"So you do respond to it."

"Only when I have to."

"So in other words, if someone called you: 'Meredith Rodney McKay', you would…"

"I'd curl up into a ball…OR shoot whoever said it…depending on who it was."

"Ah, so I'm in no danger then."

"Actually, there is a third option."

"Oh?"

"Yep."

"Care to tell me what this third option is?"

"Nope, it's a secret only my sister would know."

"Is that right…"

"Well, no, actually, because we haven't seen or talked to each other in four years. You know, long-distance relationships are difficult."

"No kidding – I suppose the fact that it takes almost a week to get here by ship isn't a hint?"

"Ha-ha, very funny. I'm serious though, about keeping up with my sister."

"Say, isn't today her birthday?"

"WHAT!"

"…"

"You can quit laughing, her birthday is not for another couple of months."

"…You're face…it was…priceless!"

"I'm glad you enjoyed the show…and making me a fool. Now why don't you go get lost – ask Elizabeth when her birthday is or something."

"Hmm, that's not a bad idea."

"Well, it'd be my first, if it was."

"It sure would – I suppose the whole blowing up a Solar System, or was it the planet, wasn't the first? That would be, if, say, kissing…"

"Okay! That's enough…everyone screws up once in a while…"

"Your screw ups are just more spectacular, though."

"Ha-ha, at least it was an uninhabited solar system."

"So you do admit that it was a screw up."

"I admitted no such thing."

"But you just said…"

"I did not!"

"Meredith."

"Don't make me shoot you."

"You shoot me? Have you looked in a mirror recently? How about one of those mission reports?"

"What about them?"

"You barely ever handle your gun."

"I can use it, though."

"I don't doubt that."

"…"

"Oh, come on, its not like it's a secret."

"Hmph, because by now everyone knows about it; am I right?"

"…"

"Well?"

"Okay, yeah, you're right."

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For admitting I'm right."

"You're welcome, Meredith."

"…"

"Hey! Ow! Quit throwing things at me!"

"Then don't call me Meredith!"

"Fine, whatever you say…Meredith…Sorry!"

**A/N:** Again, another squabble between John and Rodney – I mean Meredith. Heh, I wonder which he hates worse: wraith, or his name? Probably wraith though – he could always change his name. I wonder what might have happened had it been Rodney captured by the Genii in Common Ground, rather than John Sheppard. Makes an interesting, thought-provoking, scenario. I'll leave it up to whoever wants to try that little AU.


	8. Fluffy

A/N: Thanks to "Beach chick" who inspired me (unknowingly) with her story "Confrontations of the Sparky Kind" which I chose to read a few moments ago. This is the result of what sprang to mind after reading it.

Disclaimer: I do not own SGA - only the creature that resides in this here fic.

* * *

**Fluffy**

Elizabeth Weir looked up in surprise as the Stargate activated. Only two teams were off world, and she was very sure the Colonel's team was in trouble once again.

"We're receiving Colonel Sheppard's IDC, ma'am," the Gate Technician replied too easily.

"Let them in," she ordered, well aware that the technician had moved his hand before her command

The shield lowered and to their surprise first Rodney, then Teyla, then Ronon appeared. They were craning around, looking anxiously back through the Stargate when suddenly John Sheppard hurled through it, screaming at the same time for them to raise the shield.

John landed with a thump, rolling to lie on his back to regain his breath.

"Colonel? Are you alright? Do you need a medical team? What happened?" Elizabeth couldn't prevent the questions from spilling forth, even though she called one of Carson's medical teams anyway.

John lifted himself up from the floor with some difficulty, scowling at Ronon who offered him a hand.

"I'm _fine_, thanks." John's clipped voice checked Elizabeth in mid-step.

"So, what happened?" The wry look on Rodney's face proved that perhaps they hadn't come across the wraith as she'd initially thought. It was usually a safe bet, though, considering Teyla had the wraith gene, and John had the Ancient gene.

Rodney spoke up. "The colonel here made a friend with Fluffy."

"If, by 'fluffy' you mean a rabid animal with teeth and claws, then yes, I made a friend." Sarcasm laced John's voice, but when Elizabeth turned to face him, she saw the telltale signs of scratches and bite marks. She winced.

Fortunately, the medical team arrived just then, and split up to make sure that the team's injuries weren't worse than they appeared.

"Oh Colonel, it was just a cat." Rodney replied with scorn.

The haunted look in John's eyes, however, seemed to make it an understatement.

"That…that _thing_ was not a cat, Rodney. It was a _lion_-_tiger_ kind of cat. And you weren't its object of affection." John winced as one of the nurses probed a decidedly deep gash that had begun to clot.

Elizabeth fought to keep her face passive, but it was getting harder the longer she stood here.

"So, what, exactly, was it that had you?" She finally inquired.

John met her gaze squarely. "A cat that just happened to be able to sense who had the Ancient gene and attack them the moment it could sense the unfortunate person."

Elizabeth shook her head, glancing at Teyla and Ronon, who were simply looking amused.

"I trust you two saw all this?"

"I did, Elizabeth, and while I am not familiar with your 'cat', I do believe it is a breed easily kept as pets in some cultures. They are, however, quite persistent and do not tame well."

Ronon nodded when Teyla finished. "Some of my people had them, but gave up taming them after a few weeks of bites and scratches."

"If you can call this a bite or a scratch," John muttered, eyeing one of the wounds that leaked a small trickle of blood. The nurse wrapped a strip of gauze around it, turning to Elizabeth.

"We'd best get them to the infirmary – we need to be sure the animal wasn't carrying any type of disease."

At that, John stiffened. "Aw, crap. I'm really hoping there's no such thing as a Pegasus variety of rabies."

"Don't worry Colonel, if anyone was to get it, you'd be the first, I'm sure."

"Rodney," John growled, "shut up."

Elizabeth shook her head as the team was escorted to the infirmary. She really had to hand it to them, they had the knack of finding the strangest things off world.

* * *

A/N: I hope you liked it – just a little something that a plot cougar attacked with – and I couldn't help but write it. If it's not too much to ask, feel free to Review. Thanks. 


	9. Snowflakes

A/N: Thanks to Matchbox Dragon who gave me an idea regarding the characters! Read and enjoy - you'll never guess what our favorite characters our doing next!

* * *

Snowflakes

"Colonel, I'm warning you. If you do that again you'll regret it, I promise."

"Oh come on, you never want to have fun."

"Of course I do! My idea of fun is just much more _mature_ than yours."

"Mature? I fail to see how screwing up the Atlantis systems is considered mature!"

"If by 'screwing up the Atlantis systems' you mean installing a new code for translating wraith, than yes - it's more mature than playing those pathetic sno…"

"…"

"Damn it! You're _soo_ going to regret that!"

"Hey, wait, where are you going?"

"To get Ronon, that's where."

"Oh, come on, he'll never understand this…"

"…Too late, I said I'd make you regret it, and I will."

"…"

"…"

"You can't be serious…you can't have Ronon on your side!"

"Sure I can, he's just as much my team member as yours."

"So? I'm his commanding officer."

"Hmmph, we'll see about that."

"Hey! What are you…"

"Ack! Traitor!"

"Ronon!"

"Huh, and you two call yourselves soldiers. You can't even put up a decent snowball fight."

"…Wait, you know all about snowball fights?"

"Yeah, never played much - but they called me a natural."

"No kidding."

* * *

A/N: There is a method for the madness - right now its snowing, and although I didn't get out of school early, it's coming down pretty good now. Now being almost 6pm. So, yeah. Hope you liked it. If you couldn't already tell, it starts off with Rodney, then John, and finally Ronon. Again, I'm always willing to take requests, ideas, etc. And if need be, I don't have to do pure dialogue (although I forgot how much I enjoy it). 


End file.
